Discouragement

It was discouraging to be exhausted and plagued with health issues so to try and relax I organised a drunken night out with some friends. We ended up at their house for a midnight drink but the alcohol started to affect me badly. A sort of zombie state set in and I suddenly felt paranoid. All I wanted was my bed. I said a quick good night and grabbed Alex to go home. By the time we got ready for bed I couldn’t talk and could barely move.

Three weeks into June I was determined to shake off the tired old woman I had become. I always hated people who complained about minor health issues and used them as a reason for not doing things. You just had to toughen up. Mental attitude was everything and I was going to prove it. I told Alex I wanted to start running again. We went out on a Saturday morning and after walking a few metres, we began jogging on our hour long course. Within ten minutes I had to stop. My breathing was too hard and my legs were too heavy. When I looked at Alex and realised he had hardly broken a sweat, I was frustrated at my ineptitude and apologised. He shook it off. We took a short cut and walked home. By the time I had changed out of my running clothes, I started feeling the twitching sensation again that signalled another urinary infection.  The next morning my lower abdomen tugged at me like I was having a bad period. I made another appointment and told the doctor I had the same symptoms as last month. She didn’t do a urine test because she said it would show the same results. When I went to see her, I thought I’d mention my other minor health problem.

“Also I’m getting a bloody nose every evening,” I said. “Sometimes I blow large blood clots. Could the antihistamines I take for allergies cause them?”

“No. The antihistamines shouldn’t give you any long term effects.” The doctor shined a light up each nostril and shook her head. “I don’t see any blood vessels that need cauterising.” She sat back. “You should only be concerned if you can’t stop the bleeding.”

“It always stops on its own,” I remarked. I nodded to myself. I had asked and been told it was nothing to worry about. She prescribed me another antibiotic for the infection and set me free.

In spite of my health troubles we tried to run one more time the following weekend. I was convinced the other times were just flukes. I was sure that somehow I had lost my fitness over the last few months, and one day I would go out on the course and have my usual energy. Within a few strides I knew it was going to be useless. I wasn’t going to make it. I looked at the gradual hill in front of me that only three months earlier I ran up without a problem. Now I was bent over, breathing so hard and sweating so much I could hardly move. Between pants I came up with theories as to my sorry state. I thought my depleted energy could be due to the antibiotics I was still on, or the urinary tract infection I was still getting over. I couldn’t understand how I could have run 8.4km in March and now, only three months later, I couldn’t run up a single hill. It sucked. I felt awful. All I could do was lie down on my bed with a hot water bottle and sleep.  Alex was really concerned.

“You need to go back to the doctors.”

“You’re right. I will.”

I lied. I was sick of going to the doctor’s office. So I went to Dr Internet instead. I found several sites that offered a free diagnosis if you typed in your symptoms. So I put in shortness of breath and bloody noses. One site said they could be explained by both cold weather and allergies. Well, it was winter and I did have allergies. Although it seemed too simple an explanation, it was an answer and I was satisfied.