Little Blue Pill

Sleeping pills are like nectar from the gods - a scary sort of addictive nectar.

      When it comes to caffeine I am a complete and utter lightweight. I drink caffeine-free diet coke and decaffeinated coffee. An espresso would have me watching the late, late movie. So when I had to take ten dexamethasone (steroid) tablets in a single day it was like putting my foot to the pedal of a race car that had previously only been idling. I shook, I babbled, I ate constantly and I paced until the sun rose. I was tap dancing on top of railroad tracks

      When I lay in bed it felt like I was on a jam-packed twelve hour international flight in economy. I couldn’t get comfortable no matter how much I moved my body around. I ended up all bent and achy, as if the airplane seatbelt and arm rests were sticking into me. On top of that, I pictured the overweight middle-aged man next to me snoring in my ear. I felt his two children kicking the seats and putting the arm rests up and down. I imagined I could hear his wife. She was on her second scotch and was laughing at reruns of The Office. There was no way I was getting any sleep with all that going on. I wanted to go up to first class and offer them the title to my house just to be able to stretch out my legs.

      Then I took a tiny pill. It was only a centimetre long, sky-blue in color and oval-shaped, like the cut out top of a tissue box. I couldn’t imagine that something so small was going to have any effect but I was desperate for some rest. I swallowed it with a sip of water. Within twenty minutes a goofy smile spread across my face. The family of four who had been making my night a misery, all got up and jumped off my airplane. I hoped they landed safely. No, I didn’t care, because I could STRETCH OUT. In my dreamy state I imagined lifting all the armrests and tucking away all the seatbelts. My legs unfolded across all five seats. I cradled my head on a pillow over my left arm and my right arm was gently lying on top. As the drug took hold the lights went out. The movies turned off, children were tucked in, and there was only the lightest sound of breathing. The flight attendants went to their little cubicle. The sky was clear and dark and there was a gentle hum of engine noise. It was the most comfortable I had ever been. I was so comfortable I was trying to remember this exact position because I wanted to re-create it every night for the rest of my life. I was sure no one on earth had ever been this content before. I took a deep breath and my heart settled into such a quiet pattern I could hardly feel it. I rolled, rather than fell into sleep.