If I was going to join this group of mannequins, I was going
to do it well. I went back to the computer to look up wig salons. One salon
owner said that many women were more upset at losing their hair than having
cancer. Several weeks ago I would have thought that was ridiculous. What were a
few strands of hair that would grow back compared to your health? But now from
the inside track, I had a different perspective. It was all about perception. I
might have been able to fool others until now, but going bald meant there would
be no hiding my disease anymore. I was going to become this other person that I
wouldn’t recognise when I looked in the mirror. I was going to leave my old
self behind and become a “cancer patient”.
“Cancer patient”
still has an unfortunate connotation. It brings forth images of nameless,
glamour-less, bony, Auschwitz prisoners who are no more than walking corpses.
It scared the hell out of me. I was not just losing my hair I was losing
everything I was. I could understand why women wanted to hold on to their
tresses above all. I shared my anxieties with Alex.
“I’m horrified at
the idea of going bald.” I admitted.
“You’ll look
cute”. He
said.
I didn’t take it well. Poor guy, he was trying to help. But
it just trivialised what I was going to go through. I wasn’t going to be “cute”
I was going to be the half-dead. I stormed out of the room and he had no idea
why.
That’s another
book I’m going to write. How to Talk to a Cancer Patient or Ten Things You
Should Never Say to the Very Sick. It would start with: “You look good”. Never tell a cancer patient they look good.
Because the patient is thinking I “look good” compared to what? Compared to
other cancer patients? Compared to how sick I looked yesterday? Even worse, the
visitor is usually saying you “look good” with a touch of surprise. Because
honestly they weren’t really sure before they came to see you that someone with
cancer could sit up, let alone carry on a conversation. Just don’t say it.
Instead of making statements ask questions. Instead of “you look good” ask “how
are you?”
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