Friday, 12 July 2013

Major Wig Meltdown

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It happened in the Auckland hospital parking garage. I had an early appointment and we went to the hospital on Alex’s motorcycle to beat the traffic. It was my first time on the bike since our New Plymouth trip. In the car park I took off my helmet and the wig came off with it. It was like being in the ladies changing room and forgetting to lock the door. I stood there dumbfounded. A man sitting in his parked car was facing us. Then I completely freaked out. Hyperventilating, I hid under the concrete ramp that went to the next car park level. I tried to put the wig back on but couldn’t figure out which way it went. I turned it around and around hopping from foot to foot, humiliated that the world was witnessing my unveiling. Alex took my arm in his hand, probably to stop me hitting my head on the concrete, but that was it. I pulled my arm away and punched him in the chest. I was hysterical. I finally got the wig on my head and calmed down a little. I walked back over to the motorbike and looked in the wing mirror to make some adjustments. It was totally irrational but when that wig came off it was as if it uncapped a well. My dignity, my self-respect and my anonymity as a normal person went rushing out. I was a spectacle. A sick, pathetic spectacle and it tore a piece of my heart out.
      After that doctor’s visit, I went back to the woolly hat. It was like coming home. It was comfortable. It didn’t fall off, shift backwards or need styling. I decided I just wouldn’t go anywhere that required me to wear the wig. I could live like that.
      At the same time I started thinking how ironic this loss of hair was. I had always gone out of my way in life to avoid embarrassment. I hated being the butt of any joke. Now fate had kicked me in the ass. I taunted the big giant foot by spending a lifetime pretending humiliating things only happened to other people. No wonder I was getting it thrown back at me times ten.
      During the next two months I bucked up my courage and made peace with the wig. I got better at fitting it to my head and walking in it confidently. I used the knitted hat at home and the wig when I went out. My head still had a light layer of hair attached, but the strands were virtually see-through. Some of the hair kept growing so I had a weird combination of shiny skin, short strands and very long thin threads. At this stage I still had eyebrows, eyelashes and pubic hair. But it was time for another heavy dose of chemotherapy.
      This time instead of cyclophosphamide it would be a drug called melphalan. On July 12th I was back in Auckland Hospital, a day before my stem cell transplant. I was put in a ward with three other women for some pre-chemo fluids. The woman opposite me had a full afro-thick head of dark brown hair. She had nausea and diarrhoea and her hair had begun to fall out in large clumps. She complained that it had landed in her soup (it couldn’t have hurt the flavour of hospital soup). So she asked the nurse to shave her head. The patient sat in a chair next to her bed with a towel on the floor. The nurse began with a pair of scissors. Since she was directly opposite me and I was stuck on an IV, I watched the whole fascinating process. The nurse cut off the woman’s hair until it was near her head in an uneven way, like parents do in a panic when they discover their children have lice. Then she used a barber’s razor to shave it nearer to the skin. The nurse complained that the razor was dull which made me cringe, but she got the job done and in the end the patient looked like Demi Moore in GI Jane. I was impressed by her fortitude and her seemingly cavalier or perhaps incredibly realistic attitude to losing her hair. I had been struggling for months to come to terms with my new look. She sat in that chair and changed into a cancer patient in minutes, without a whimper.
      Two weeks after the second round of high dose chemo I certainly didn’t need a razor to come near my head. I didn’t think it was possible but when I compared photos I could see I was even balder. The little bit of hair that had remained sprinkled over my head since May looked like a forest compared to what I had now.  My eyebrows had thinned to almost non-existence giving me a Whoopi Goldberg wide-eyed look. I bought an eyebrow pencil so I could draw in the parts that were missing. A few determined hairs hung on to my pubic region as if I had been given a Brazilian by a low-budget apprentice. My leg and underarm hair had disappeared. Taking a shower was a strange sensation. Instead of being diverted by hair, the water falling over my bald head cascaded straight into my ears. It was like diving into a swimming pool. On the plus side I saved money on shampoo and conditioner. But I had to put my hat on as soon as I got out of the shower. I never realised how cold your head could get with no hair.
      As soon as I lost my hair I wanted to know when it was going to grow back. My research said a couple of months. But when did that couple of months begin? Would it come back evenly or in clumps? How long would it take? What would it look like? Would it definitely come back?
      Exactly one month after going completely bald I noticed a stiff, white chin hair. Finally I felt like opening a bottle of champagne. I was never so happy to see something so inordinately ugly in my life. The hair on my legs, underarms, eyebrows and head seemed to stubbornly refuse to grow but here was a sign of life. It was disgusting and I had to immediately pull it out with a pair of tweezers but before I did I saluted that little hair and the strength it mustered to push through.
      On September 7th I was sitting at the computer absent-mindedly scratching my head when something felt different. Instead of scratching along a squeaky, slightly waxy surface, my fingers felt something soft. It was like touching the down of a baby chick. I ran to a big mirror and held a smaller mirror to the back of my head. In the sunlight bouncing off the two reflections I could see a crop of hair covering my entire head, about a millimeter in length. It was very light in color and Alex joked that I might “return” as a blonde bombshell. I didn’t care how I returned, as long as I returned. The new crop of hair was like the first seedlings in a new Spring. I was a chia pet. It was a sign of life.

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