The other prominent side effect was fatigue. I would take
the thalidomide at night before going to bed as you couldn’t eat for an hour
prior to taking the drug. But the next morning at 9am I was sound asleep still.
It would take me hours in the morning to get going. Usually by lunchtime I felt
like I could take on what was left of the day. Without getting much done, I
would be ready for sleep again by midnight.
To forget my body
problems I needed to get into a better space mentally. I went to a spiritualist
church service with my best friend. I am not a new age sort of person and it
was the first time I ever really opened myself to this experience. After a
song, it was time for healing. They made a circle of chairs in the centre of
the room and invited those that wanted to be healed to sit there. My friend
encouraged me to go but I was already on my feet. I sat in a chair and shut my
eyes while my healer put her hands on my back. I felt her rub my back a couple
of times then didn’t know what she was up to. I think she must have been
putting her hands over my head but since I had my eyes closed I wasn’t sure. I
imagined her pulling the cancer cells from my body through my skin and out into
the air. Like bubbles rising into steam in a boiling pot of water. Whether it
is possible or not, it was a great image. It was about the most relaxing ten
minutes I had had in a very long time. A speaker got up and did some readings.
She pointed to a woman in the audience and told her what a great healer she was
and how much love was emanating from her. I nudged my friend and said “that’s
my healer”. I was very proud. We closed
our eyes and during a ten minute meditation the speaker told us a tale about
floating down a river. I was extremely relaxed, almost sedate. I loved the
image of floating on the river and the feeling of power the healer bestowed on
me.
I had to find a way through each day with
the shadow of a noose hanging over my head. Because there was no cure for my
disease, there was only one way for this story to end really. It was just a
matter of how long it would take to kill me.
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